Dale & Dullard

                Matt: “Fellas (I nod to them as if they actually like me, even though I know Dale holds a profound animosity toward me for reasons beyond my comprehension. I also admit that many things find a home there…beyond my comprehension). I have had some issues sleeping lately and wondered if you guys, being well experienced in life, might have some remedies that could help one sleep at night?”

                Dullard: “Well Wally there are many ways to get a good sleep, for example drink a twelve pack of Budweiser perhaps, or a whole bottle of Tennessee Honey, these are a couple easy ways to get a good nights sleep. Can’t say much about the morning after, but sleep nonetheless. The best way I’ve found to get a good nights sleep is by getting up early, kick ass all day, then maybe a toddy or two, shower, then bed.  Hopefully Dale has somewhat of the same idea but he is getting old HaHa! If a man lives a good clean simple life being honest and treating everyone with respect he should sleep like a baby!”

                Matt: “That last portion of your answer was actually some good words of advice Dullard. I appreciate that. Now, I always enjoyed the ceiling fan, that’s something that helped…

                Dullard: “Hey! (interrupting me) Have you heard all this talk about hot weather for these Olympians?”

                Matt: [I guess we’re shifting gears here] “Ummm, yea I heard something about it…”

                Dullard: “Well, you know we’re hearing about all this hot weather for the Olympians, wanna know why? …cause they won’t let any of the fans in!” Bahahaha

                Matt: “Good one Dullard, I get it…”

                Dale: (Rolls his eyes but cracks a subtle smile that only gets hidden by his wrinkles from frowning the majority of his life)

                Dullard: “You talking about the fan made me think of that…”

                Matt: “Yea, I realized that. Good job. Dale, any ideas for getting good sleep?”

                Dale: “Need help falling asleep? That’s easy! Just read one of your articles! Instant zzzz’s ...How about that sunny? [Someone must have hurt Dale in his early life, he’s just downright mean] You know why I called you sunny? Cause all them damn wild fires. [That makes zero sense, has Dale exchanged thoughts will Dullard?] Now, if I may, and I will, the last discussion we had you brought something up about chugging. Perhaps insinuating that me and my good bud Dully partake a little too much. Well, we both resemble that remark! [resemble?] But we also don’t believe that personal tilts and tendencies should be used as cannon fodder. You don’t hear us commenting about how you go to work dressed like a Nancy boy.

                Matt: “Ok, that’s not necessary…”

                Dullard: (Interrupting me again) “Dale, you talking about Nancy from college?”

                Dale: (He looks at Dullard like he has a corn cob growing out of his head, then unfortunately continues) “I got a sleep story for ya. Few years back I got up in the morning and looked outside only ta see part of the local elevator in the neighbor’s back yard. Trees were down all over the place so I went to the wife and said, ‘I’m thinkin we had ourselves a tornado last night.’ She says, ‘Yea I know. There were warnings on the T.V. set and the city sirens went off.’ I said, ‘Well what did you do?’ She says, ‘I went down to the basement to be safe.’ Thought to myself for a second then asked, ‘What about me? Wasn’t ya worried about me?’ She answered, ‘I didn’t think I could wake you up.’ I paused a bit then asked her, ‘Well did ya try?’ She says, ‘No, I didn’t.’ Guess my wife just loves me too much to bother me when I’m sleepin. I’m a lucky man!”

                (An audible snore comes from my right and I see that Dullard is in a deep sleep, almost falling out of his chair)

                Matt: (In a snarky tone) “Well Dale, I guess your stories are another anecdote for falling sleep.”