Dale & Dullard

Matthew Wilken

This week is exceptionally special as I have the pleasure of introducing Dale and Dullard. One can’t be quite certain as to the age of these two fellas, but if I were to guess, I’d have to put them somewhere in their mid to late 70s. And since these guys are 100 percent fictional characters, I suppose I can put them down for any age that I wish. These old guys have been buds for quite a spell. Although Dale isn’t certain why he remains friends with Dullard, the fact is that the bond forged between the two is just too strong to break, let alone bend.

     We’ll be meeting up soon with these ancient relics of glory day’s past, but a simple introduction will be just fine for this week. The thing about Dale and Dullard is that they tend to get themselves into some fervid conversations. This section will be a recurring visit with Dale and Dullard as they discuss topics that neither one of them really know anything about. This being the case in reality, these guys honestly believe they have the answers to just about everything. Now, I will divulge that although these are two made-up characters developed for comic relief, behind the scenes there are two anonymous voices that are steering the conversation. As the narrator of the conversation I will do my best to clean up the discussions and will also include brackets [], which will emphasize my unspoken thoughts during the conversation. If any actions or facial expressions take place I will simply insert those in parenthesis. For example:


     Matt: “Dale, what’s your last name?”

     Dale: (Fails to acknowledge the question)

     Matt: [He must not have heard me.] (In a shouting voice) “Dale, what’s your last name?”

     Dale: (Almost jumping out of his chair) “Stop shouting, I’m sitting right next to you!”


     I hope you get the gist and I more than hope that you enjoy the banter between these old chunks of coal. Without further discord, I’d like to introduce these two fellas.


     Matt: “Hey Dale, where’s Dullard? I thought it was pretty clear we were meeting tonight?”

     Dale: “Who am I, his mother? How should I know where he is?”

     Matt: “Good point. Well I don’t want to introduce you guys unless you’re both here.”

     Dale: “Fine by me.” (Dale gets up out of his seat, turns around, and leaves)


     Well folks, I’m sorry about that but apparently, Dullard didn’t get the memo. I’ll make sure they’re both here next week.  


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